can't share my serenade from my love, but I can share the little heart inspired by it..... painted with the water from Mt. Shasta we settled in near a waterfall and spent the afternoon......

The closing of a year brings so much into focus and with it a summery of the road traveled. Lessons learned, new discoveries, things found, things lost…some of which are people… which seem to come with a lot of reflection, as to why?

Sometimes we are letting go and finding such a relief, others we still are not sure as to why, some are a triumph and others a loss.

In a years time so much has come and so much has gone.  A period of time that is equivalent to 365 days which in some respect feel so long and when gone, seemed like a flash.

I find it my ritual to log my life in hand writing entries into my diary.  The simple act of the ink and paper and release, a blessing to the true purpose of this act in my life.  I have made it a ritual to look at the year that I am now leaving behind. Taking a moment to see where I have been, what I have accomplished.

I have learned to connect the universal happening that mark my life, and with it comes the markers now in place to push me forward. These are all personal, nothing to do with the material world, not even in the slightest… it is the awareness of the growth that I have made and the truths that I was willing to see to improve my being.

I am so aware of the accumulation of parts of me that have old programs running.   The programs that will keep me in a holding pattern in my life, ranging from accepting love, friendship, worthiness, joy, change, movement.. etc.

I work as a healer and with that comes that knowledge that we hold old programming that inhibits us from achieving the most amazing life that this world has to offer us.

Growth, is the word that I am going to use to sum up the release of old programming.  Old programming is the word I am going to use for all things that I no longer need in my life.  They are the belief system that holds beauty at bay.

I look at where I have been and what were my spring boards, and for the most part they are clear and with them come satisfaction of release. This year I have experienced so much more love, worthiness but for me this year my biggest all time favorite growth came with the trust that I feel in my relationship, for with it has come security, for the first time (in I do not know how long) I feel secure.

It didn’t come with anything, like a job, money, a house, a car etc.. it came with allowing myself to be me, and being me brought security. it would be easy for me to say that security came with a man loving me, but then I wouldn’t be taking credit for the growth I have made, because no one can make you feel secure but you.. This is what I am willing to accept.

I never believed that I was worthy of being loved, even if I said I was. It took me unveiling my truths,

those dirty little secrets you keep inside. The old programming, (however it got there) was there was running rapid in my life.

One of the old programs was to cover up the little secrets, the feelings of worthlessness, imperfection.  The battle within my own self of worthiness verses a lie, because I knew deep down I was worthy but something kept me from believing it fully. Something kept slapping me just as I would be ready to own the belief; the cold hard slap was relentless.

Why did the joy seem to slip through my hands over and over again?  Up until the last couple of years, it seemed to be impossible to hold on to.

Through my own self discovery, my own speaks did I learn of what I am going to refer to as the shadow side of self.

The little or large dark entity would keep me from really believing in myself.  Because I knew of the existence of that part of me (that was not worthy), my internal voice that would help me find that piece of me was not valued enough.

If I myself couldn’t find my value then how could anyone else?

The year before was the awaking of this truth, I can see how this old program was keeping me from having what I truly desired in my life.  Security with love; joy; peace; adventure.

I set forth, to conquer this demon and I did.  I cannot tell you how facing this old program was the most liberating experience I have ever felt. I watched as my life changed dramatically before my eyes. So this last year that has passed has been one of security… abundant love, fruitful friends and family… and growth.

Although last year was a year of feeling all this beauty, all this love; this last year was full of acceptance, trying out my new programming; allowing me to hear with my heart.

I can experience this new world, because that is what it is like; a new world, one that does not have an overtone of fear.

I was learning to live, learning to love, and to be loved as I am.

Now I can say that when I see the hidden parts of me come to the surface I am not longer ashamed of them but love them and recognize them as what they are old programming.

No judgment as to why I have them, or what triggered them to come up, just the simple truth that they are no longer serving me in my life now, so it is okay to let go of them.

This year I have started with one of those programs and I am starting out reminding me that I do not have to be ashamed that I have them, I am free to feel them, I am free to have them triggered and truth now appreciative to the triggers, so that I am sure to clean it all out.

I am facing the beginning of another year of growth, the brilliant part life, and change.

The rebooting of Diana…